Broken

Things don't always turn out how they are planned.  Many years ago, we started our little family, we had dreams, imagining just how things might be when we got old. Yep, ideas of what it would be like to watch our kids grow up and become adults, head to college, start their lives, begin their careers and so on. You know the dream....a happily ever after...or maybe just a happily here we go, whatever you want to call it....we had dreams.

Flash forward several years and here we are at the point where we get to have our dreams come crashing down.  Oh yeah, just want we were counting on.  Oh there is a realistic view, we didn't think it would all be roses.  We knew of some hard times that might come along.  Never really thought that our little princess would crush us.  She started out so sweet.  I figured she would be another girl after all those boys....surprise surprise.....a girl!  A little princess, an angel, my baby girl, daddy's special.....all of that. She had a bit of a temper as a little one.....always had to have it her own way.  Little did we know what was around the corner.

Ok sure, we were the perfect parents, no Ozzie and Harriet or Ward and June....but I don't think we the Bundys either. We tried to live a good example, yes of course we stumbled along the way. At least that is what we thought.  Guess I did a worse job than I ever thought.  Possible wasn't the best father I could have been. I must have been bad....what else could have caused such a disaster than a poor father figure.  Ok I may be beating myself up but at this point that is the way I feel.  I feel broken.  My little girl has done everything to push the envelope and crush my heart.  There are times that I just want to cry.....oh yeah, I do. dreams are beginning to come unraveled......it is like this string on the blog....putting them all together to make the story of my life....something probably no body reads but myself.....one day, I will be dead and the rest of whoever can read my thoughts.....even these that make me feel like less than ....well good.

What can I say, broken and a pretty heavy heart.  I just don't know what to say or feel. i could yell, yeah that would do good.  I could tell her how disappointed I am in her, that obviously hasn't helped thus far.  It is obvious she doesn't really care how much she hurts us.  Honestly, I just want to stay away from it all.....ignore it.  Maybe I will wake up and find out i was all a dream.....nightmare rather.

Well, all of this is my rambling of my current feelings....hopefully time will make things heal itself.  At this moment, the wound is open and painful. Numb would be pleasant. Pray for change, Pray for wisdom, Pray for may baby girl.