Somewhere before the crack of dawn, as it occurs each night, but with camping add the difficult factor x10. And that is waking up to go to the bathroom. 1st: You got to try and wake up enough to rise up out of bed, always a troublesome task because THIS Mother Nature always calls when you're in your best slumber. Mine was in the middle of a crazy ridiculous dream....but I have those always. Some are worth waking up enough to jot down. This was one of them...but before that..
2nd: You dig around on the unfamiliar floor for the location of where you last placed your flip flops.
3rd: You stumble your way across the floor bumping into stuff in the dark until you make it to the squeaky screen door and then to the stubbornly stuck outside wooden door. PUSH PUSH SHOVE SHOVE and it finally gives way as you tumble outside into the cold brisk night air.
4th: You stagger down the few wooden steps onto the uneven rocky terrain that leads uphill towards the potties. The ground undulates like you might imagine the surface of the moon. You can't really open your eyes yet because the contacts in your eyes are dried out. AHHHHH, BLINK BLINK. You think your contact is about to jump out of your left eye. You pause in the middle of the path trying to adjust this familiar piece of plastic in your eye to settling down and not jump out. Your head is tilted upward towards the dark sky and you shiver hoping that everyone else is asleep and cannot see you. The urge to go pee has now hit the red alert stage because you had waited too long in your nice warm bed.
5th: After some adjustment to your lens all seems fine and you continue your journey up the rocky incline with flip flops barely staying on your feet. Walking pigeon toed, or at least the right half of you does to keep your shoe from falling off while the rest of you wobbles like a drunken sailor from the platypus brigade. You finally reach the bathroom door.....AHHHHHH BRIGHT LIGHT!
6th: The bright light blinds you but even more startling is the strange individual from four or five tents down the path had the same dilemma as you. Without shrieking out in a blood curdling scream we both jump a bit startled by each other's appearance from the darkness. We both acknowledge each other's presence by a grunt or two as men of fine upbringing might do whom are thrown into the darkened wilderness retreat on seldom forced occasions. We navigate around each other and continue about our intended business.
7th: With relief in hand (no pun intended) you make your way back out into the dark......and it is really DARK! Your eyes have adjusted to the light of the communal commode and now the pitch darkness is ever more PITCH! Slowly pacing yourself down the hill not to lose your shoe and more importantly not to tumble. This would not be good. A stray cat starts following you and even though you have nothing against cats your allergic wife does and most probably your slumbering pooch still slumbering in your vacated spot in the bed will certainly protest. Go away cat!
8th: Finally back inside with tragedy averted you return to the warmth your covers provide. Mavrick kindly returns to the foot of the bed allowing you to reclaim your side of the bed. Just as you close your eyes you remember the dream that started it all......yep you got to write it down!
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