LIFE: Rollercoaster or Bumper Cars

Life is a rollercoaster. Or at least my life feels like one. I cannot really control the twists or turns but rather must just react to what is thrown my way. But at least I'm on a track, so maybe it's more like bumper cars? I'm just cruising along and I get slammed into from every direction by everyone in my life. I'm not really reacting.....just having to brace myself and bounce.

Here comes another life challenge....SLAM! Somebody else wants something of me or from me....BAM! I want you to do this for me......SMASH!

Traffic on the bumper car of life can be ...... Shall I say! BUMPY. It's hard enough going through all the decisions we have to make during our life span. There are many choices we make, some are good, some are bad. Some we are rewarded for later in life. And yet others haunt us. I don't think any of us really choose to make poor decisions.....we are just ill-advised, immature, uneducated.....okay...stupid!

I've always tried to help people, take people for their words, trusted...sometimes to a fault. And then they expect more and more. Ask for more and more. Need I say demand more and more.  I'm expected to give more and more. I'm expected to just go with everyone's flow. Well if you haven't noticed, I'm not much in favor of following others. A bit of a rebel in life I guess. I like to do things my way....without interference from others, without conflict or criticism from everyone....just do it off to one side without a lot of hoopla or fan fair. However when I do that, pull away, now I'm told I have an 'attitude' or 'in a mood'. People just shut up and leave me alone. You don't really care about my feelings or opinion so don't start acting like you do now.

Not sure how I became everyone's keeper, rescuer, banker, confidant or even waterboy. Yeah, that's how I feel sometimes. Like the Waterboy trying to please everyone and make everyone happy. Everyone's own thoughts and beliefs are being shoved at me to accept. "Don't you want to think like this?" Sure, I guess. What choice do I have. Do what you want and I will go over here and do "my thing" by myself......."Hey, what are you doing? Don't you want to do it this way?" No not really.

I really don't like running. I would prefer not to have to run to stay in shape or control my diabetes. What I do like is that mostly I'm by myself. I run fast enough (barely) to stay ahead of some and slow enough (mostly) to keep away from the rest. I stick my earplugs in and tune out the rest of the world. Lost in my own head with my own thoughts listening to my own tunes. Just my aging body that fights me.

So, is it a rollercoaster? Flips, turns, ups, downs, overs, unders, fast with a bit of screaming along the way? Yes, certainly the path I've placed myself on. Or is it a bumper car ride? Most diffentately, strolling down the freeway of life and being slammed into every side by malicious do-gooders. Sometimes I feel it will be most welcomed to see everything come to an end. Less drama, less demand, less of me having to comply or make any more decisions. Is that so bad? 

From a confused and somewhat depressed individual. You got to know that diabetes in itself makes my emotions a rollercoaster. Up one day and down the next. Sorry about the rant my friends.

Eugene Thompson

ET This I Believe

I would like to sleep too.

Keep the Dream alive: hit the snooze button.

You can't keep me up late fussing about the decisions, indecisions, expectations and directions YOU need to make in YOUR life and then drop off to sleep. I'm left here to ponder for the next two hours what I should do then end up with a terrible night of unrest.

My Mom

There is a time in most everyone's life that they will experience a loss. It never comes at a time that is better, convenient or appropriate. It just comes. Whether you are ready or not. Early this morning I woke up to find out that my dear mother had passed from this earth. She was 82.

She had seen a lot of life. Her and my father had been to so many places in their lives. They had trips to Mexico, the islands and just about every state in the US. My father ran a business for 20+ years with my mother by his side. They got to raise four kids, see them married, see their grand kids. And for my mother, she got four great grand kids before she passed. I am sure not everything was perfect but in the grand scheme of things most was blessed.

We were fortunate that we had convinced her to come out and visit last year (hoping that she would stay) even if it was for only a brief time. She loved her home and preferred to live her last days there. There with her three crazy dogs. They kept her company. That and watching football. She could have watched game after game....she always believed she knew the game better than she did. I never told her differently.

There are a lot of things that I remember of my mother mostly of those involving her watching my games. From basketball to baseball to football.....she was always there. I remember the time I was knocked out at the old YMCA when I was just young going for a lay up. The running track went above the court for spectators to watch. She was sitting above the basket and couldn't tell that I was out. However she knew the rule.......don't go out on the court or field! She didn't.

She sat in the bleachers at the old ball field under the hot Oklahoma sun watching game after game. My dad even went to a few of these. I can remember them sitting behind the backstop watching my games when I was older. Probably watching me strike out.....I never was that good at baseball. She was always there to support me regardless of my abilities.

She loved football......once I taught her the rules. She went to nearly every game possible. She loved the high school atmosphere and all the drama of football in a small Oklahoma town. The games were always exciting and yes.....even when I was knocked out once.....she didn't go out on the field! I remember my parents sitting in the stands at Custer Field sweating at the beginning of the season and freezing towards the end. Those lovely Oklahoma seasons.

My mom was always there for me.

High School graduation from Bartlesville High. College Graduation from Oklahoma State. My wedding. The birth of my kids. She was there.

She struggled through the passing of my father nearly 25 years ago. I know she was lonely. I know that she missed him. We all did. But she marched on. Continued with life. As difficult as it might have been for her. She loved the things that were familiar to her. She wanted to stay in that old house with her dogs. That is what made her comfortable. That was her home for 40+ years.

These times are always so tough. I know I didn't visit enough. I know I didn't call enough. That will probably always haunt me. There will be times that I will realize what will be missed. Things that will never again occur in this life. I will miss getting to hear her voice on the phone. I will miss getting a hug. I will miss telling her stories about how my business is growing and being successful......just like dad's. I will miss sharing about my children and now grandchildren. I will miss hearing her stories of their life together. I will miss seeing her. In all things, I will miss her.

What brings me peace is knowing that I truly believe she was ready to go. Her health had declined. She struggled. She will now be with my father. Right beside him....just like she was all those years. I can imagine her smiling right now being held in his arms. Not old and frail like they exited this world, but young and vibrant and full of energy.....just like those black and white pictures pasted in her photo book. Happy.....that is how I will choose to remember her.

Love you mom.....miss you already.

Your little boy

There are some days that......

You know, there are some days that I wake up and just wonder, "What in the world am I doing?" What am I going to do today is really a pretty silly question. Because I already know the answer, I just haven't acknowledged it fully yet. Because I am going to be doing work. Work on something. Work at the office on projects, business development, invoices, hey maybe even design something....what a novel idea for an architect.

But I might wake up and work on the yard, or maybe the house chores or should I say repairs? 

Or maybe I just might answer my question with a nice run in the morning. Can I say that is work? Well it is a WORK-out!

Seldom do I get up and answer myself "What in the world am I doing?" by responding with, I think I will take a vacation! Not sure I know how to VACATE. You can ask my kids.....every time we took a vacation it really was a process of work.....because it always became an adventure. Not entirely sure ADVENTURE = VACATION. But they we usually fun. I think?

"What in the world am I doing?" Certainly could refer to my state of mind. And yes before you say it.....that is a scary place. I completely agree. I wonder about myself sometimes. At 47 years old, there are times I ask myself about my future. What do I want to do? Where do I want to go? How do I want to live? Should I come or should I go? (Yes I did just insert song lyrics) What do I want to make of myself? Or have I already made it? Now just live it? What does "live it" mean? Am I too old? 

I told you that was a scary place.

How about "What in the world am I doing?" with my business. In the last few years all of our businesses have been on a roller coaster. Which consequently put our lives on the same coaster. Things are good right now and the work is flowing in. We are expanding with new members on the team. We are expanding our borders by adding more space and hopefully creating a really unique fun place to work. The roller coaster may return and all I can do is enjoy these big moments and share them with others and then when things turn tight again.....because they probably will.....we will enjoy the small moments and celebrate them like they are big. Relativity is a powerful perspective.

I am not really sure I know the answer to my question but every morning I wake up and ask it. I ponder it each day as I sip on my coffee brought to me by my loving wife in bed. I take time writing silly thoughts about my life, some times they are serious but not often. I get up and go to my office....if I want, which I usually do want. I can go in early....my boss doesn't give me any bonuses for going in early. I can go in late....my bosses doesn't gripe at me too much about this either. That is nice of him. Really, for the most part I chose my schedule.

Really for the most part.....I choose my life. We really all do to some degree. So we shouldn't complain. And I certainly cannot complain. I have it pretty good. The dreams that I have chased are right here. Maybe not as big as in my dreams but not bad either.

So...."What in the world am I doing?".......today.....I am just going to live it. Gotta Keep Chasing The Dream.

Never forget my friends.

ET this I believe 

Eugene Thompson

Living the Life

I talked with a guy on the phone at work the other day who lives down in Georgia. Never met the guy before but we have chatted several times about a project we are working on together. It's always the normal greeting, "How are you doing?" I am not sure when we ask that question that really want their honest answer. We are just being polite. We really want to hear. "Just fine and how are you?" For which we respond in kind, "Just fine, thanks for asking" and then we are about our business.

My response depending on who I am talking to is usually, "I'm fine just trying to stay out of trouble......which I am having a hard time doing." It always gets a chuckle but it is the truth. Overall I am doing pretty good, life, health, work and family are all well. And yes it is true, I am consistently trying to stay out of trouble with.....well, life, health, work and my family! Everyday. Some days more successfully than others.

However this gentleman responded to my normal phone cheer with his very unique response. "Oh I'm just living the life that dreams are made of." Now that is the short version. I have to remember to right down his extended one because it has to be a memorized speech that he offers up often. But he said it with such a joyful voice that it made me laugh. Of course he could be just saying this in a sarcastic way but I didn't hear that in his voice.

I started thinking about his response in more detail. JUST LIVING THE LIFE...aren't we all. Unless you are a zombie which seems to be going around a lot lately. That and vampires! I'm just living the life. The one I have here. The one that God has blessed me with. There really isn't any complaints because if I didn't like it then I would move on. So since I am fine with it then I should just embrace it and rejoice in what I am fortunate to have. There could be more....but there could be less too.

How about THAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF? Kind of a Disney or movie magic ending thought that ends like that for maybe half of the 1% of the 1% of us. Okay that was pessimistic. But I think most of us FEEL that we don't live the life of our dreams. Okay maybe some of us have lots of nightmares. That would be terrible. If you have read some of my blog posts you know that I always have very vivid weird dreams. 3 or 4 a night. No there isn't any rational for them....I'm just deranged.

Example in care you don't believe me: Last night I was an architect doing an inspection at a construction site. Normal so far. It was a wooden tower that had a wooden ladder to get to the top and the contractor was John Walton.... Yes that John Walton. He was wearing his blue coveralls too. He was showing me the damage that a giant bird had caused when it dropped a large stone bolder inside the structure. The rock had rolled off and went on down the cliff into the rain forest but Mr. Walton was taking care of the repairs necessary to get the project back on track.......okay figure out how to put that down in your field report!

Dreams and Life. It is what we make of them. Usually our life consists of the decisions we have made and the consequences from those decisions.
First rule: Make good decisions.
Second rule: Don't be afraid to dream.
Third rule: Just do it and stop worrying about it.

Living the life my friends. That is what we do. See you on the other side of the dreams.

Et this I believe
Eugene Thompson

What is it Worth?

Sometimes it runs through my mind all the things that I have done over the last 25 years and I am not entirely sure any of it matters.  There is a value placed on your time by society.  A worth of your accomplishments.  "Were you successful in your life?" & "What have you accomplished through the ages?" I really have to run all of the things through my memory banks to determine what exactly I have done and more importantly was any of it worth it.

Yes, I know, society isn't necessarily the best judgement of character but often it presents a clear picture. More like a mirror.  What is the man in the mirror that is looking back at you? What has that man become? It is something that society puts a value on whether you want it or not.  Your friends from high school, college even your business associates place barometric scale next to you to give, more than likely, a value to you so they can compare themselves to you. The scale is always one that is tainted by the viewers eyesight, regardless of their success or failures.  Our old friends often find themselves judging you more harshly if they have had less of the "prosperous life". Those that have more.....they are compassionate.

Now tell me, what is the true value of your success.  I have one son that has been somewhat slow in school, slow in learning.  He isn't unintelligent by any means.  He is very passionate by nature.  Doesn't mean that he is any less than those around him.  He has chosen to give up all so that he can give to others.  By some peoples standards that might indicate that he has nothing. I beg to differ.  I say that the man who is willing to give up all, more than likely has so much more than us who cling to our pile of stuff. The stuff that withers away and fades into nothing.

The real value of ones life cannot be given a worth by anyone else but the beholder of that life. So that tells us that we are to place a value to ourselves.  We are to judge for ourselves if our life has been worth it or not.  Have we spent time wasting away at some job that is mundane and boring....or have we enjoyed everything around us regardless of the job that employs us? Are we to put more value on our job, family, health, hobbies....where? It is often said that the career makes the man.  Is that true or does the man make for himself a career? Do we form for ourselves a life that is tailored to suit us? A life that fits comfortably....or is it too tight....too loose?

So back to the question.....has my life been worth it? I am not sure I can answer that yet.  I have often tried to put myself in the shoes of "It's a Wonderful Life", George Bailey.  Have I made a difference? What would the world be like without me? I cannot really tell what the story would be like.  Probably not as dramatic as that story. And then there are times when I feel like I have accomplished so much.  A time when I am proud of all the things that are around me.  It is a cycle. A vicious cycle but a cycle none the less. The feeling of worth goes up and down with the mood of encouragement or despair.  In the beginning of a young career, nothing is detrimental...all is prosperous no matter what you have or what you don't have. Nobody can keep a strong ambitious mind down.  It will happen....just wait and see is the demeanor.  Life is roses. Once you have gone through life for a few dozen years the glow of adventure and intrigue is a bit lackluster.  No longer does ambition flow in your veins but rather the world has beat you down to accept the "norm" of life.  These times are more like the thorns in the roses. These are the cycles.  The question remains the same....What is your's worth?

I have collected baseball cards for over 40 years.....okay....I have sit on them for the last 25 years....collected for the first 15 years.  There were cards that I collected that I enjoyed because of the players or the teams that they played for.  There were cards that were in mint condition.....cards that were a little worn around the edges.  Cards that I got straight out of the bubble gum wrapper, while others I paid my hard earned cash for.  Some I traded friends for, while a few I found. Over the years I have had some cards that were worth an enormous amount of money....for a picture on a piece of cardboard. As time went long, the value has dropped.  It could have been the economy, it could have been the player, it could have been the general interest in cards. Regardless, the world's value had changed regarding the worth of that particular card.  Many times, when things got financially tight, I thought of selling the lot of them.  I open up the book of my favorites (and those consider of higher value) and look through my past.  I can remember how I came along each one, where I got them and why I treasured them so much.  There is a card with Roberto Clemente in my folder.  Not a particularly mint condition card, not especially expensive in value, not necessarily my favorite team or player for that matter.  The picture shows the player tossing up a ball a few inches in front and catching it in his hand.  It isn't even an awesome action shot, probably a pre-game snap shot by some bubble gum photographer.  However, that card, with it's worn edges and all, is by far my favorite. I have been asked to sell it, trade or even give it away.  Never could.  It epitomized the essence of what my baseball collecting was all those years ago.  It transports me back to a time when life was simple and choices were easy to make.  The card is me, and to me it is priceless.....to world maybe $20 bucks.

So what is the value of your life......make it priceless....remember the surroundings of each moment in time. That will make it's worth more than any other can possibly place a value on it. No price can compare.  Enjoy my friends.

Exhausted, Drained, Empty and Worn Out....and it is the first thing in the morning

Have you ever woke up in the morning and felt more tired than you did when you went to bed? Like you are already pooped before the day even begins? What happened to that iconic image of waking up to the sunlight pouring into you room from the nearby windows and you stretch and smile and say "What a wonderful day!". Yeah Right! Me too. Somewhere in the middle of this millennium I lost morning wake up smile.  Usually I wake up because my back hurts and I cannot lay there in bed any longer.  Or...I got to go pee. I am up and usually hear the snap, crackle and pop of my bones....most of them in my neck.....snap, crackle and pop are even a bit soggy these days.

Self motivation is hard to come by these days. It takes a lot more effort to move this sack of potatoes than it did twenty years ago. Things appear a bit more pessimistic than they did back then as well. Now I am not trying to bring anyone down.  Just giving the State of the Union address here and wishing (maybe self-motivating thru these words) to get up and running again. I have enjoyed my sanctuary garden in the back patio but that sometimes wears off its excitement too. "Waking up to Folgers" doesn't always do the eye-opening trick either.  But it does help.

Sometimes, Mavrick....our bit-of-a-pain-cause-I-chew-everything-but-still-so-cute puppy wakes me up standing on my chest licking my face. He brings in one of his chewed-upon toys in wanting to play. Wet paws and all from his morning jont around the backyard. Not sure that helps but you can't help but smile.

I haven't seen the movie yet but I have seen the previews of Captain America.  You know where the skinny weak guy climbs in some hyperbolic chamber and then climbs out a tough muscle bound stud. I need one of those machines! Or even waking up in the morning and feeling like it was Christmas. That would be awesome as well.

Sometimes we get lost along the path of life and loose the JOY in our lives.  Our lives become routine and lacks adventure.  Yes I did say adventure.  I don't have to be a pirate or secret agent to have adventure.  We all need adventure even it is small.  I have bucket list and some of those things are quite adventuresome.  I can't wait to start marking some of them off. Adventure keeps our lives from getting into the doldrums. LIFE itself can take a beating on you and it takes a bit of self-motivation to shake it off and wake up with that smile and say......Good Morning! I really mean it.

So my friends.....Have a Great Day.....and make it an adventure.

Share you adventure...great or small.