LIFE: Rollercoaster or Bumper Cars

Life is a rollercoaster. Or at least my life feels like one. I cannot really control the twists or turns but rather must just react to what is thrown my way. But at least I'm on a track, so maybe it's more like bumper cars? I'm just cruising along and I get slammed into from every direction by everyone in my life. I'm not really reacting.....just having to brace myself and bounce.

Here comes another life challenge....SLAM! Somebody else wants something of me or from me....BAM! I want you to do this for me......SMASH!

Traffic on the bumper car of life can be ...... Shall I say! BUMPY. It's hard enough going through all the decisions we have to make during our life span. There are many choices we make, some are good, some are bad. Some we are rewarded for later in life. And yet others haunt us. I don't think any of us really choose to make poor decisions.....we are just ill-advised, immature, uneducated.....okay...stupid!

I've always tried to help people, take people for their words, trusted...sometimes to a fault. And then they expect more and more. Ask for more and more. Need I say demand more and more.  I'm expected to give more and more. I'm expected to just go with everyone's flow. Well if you haven't noticed, I'm not much in favor of following others. A bit of a rebel in life I guess. I like to do things my way....without interference from others, without conflict or criticism from everyone....just do it off to one side without a lot of hoopla or fan fair. However when I do that, pull away, now I'm told I have an 'attitude' or 'in a mood'. People just shut up and leave me alone. You don't really care about my feelings or opinion so don't start acting like you do now.

Not sure how I became everyone's keeper, rescuer, banker, confidant or even waterboy. Yeah, that's how I feel sometimes. Like the Waterboy trying to please everyone and make everyone happy. Everyone's own thoughts and beliefs are being shoved at me to accept. "Don't you want to think like this?" Sure, I guess. What choice do I have. Do what you want and I will go over here and do "my thing" by myself......."Hey, what are you doing? Don't you want to do it this way?" No not really.

I really don't like running. I would prefer not to have to run to stay in shape or control my diabetes. What I do like is that mostly I'm by myself. I run fast enough (barely) to stay ahead of some and slow enough (mostly) to keep away from the rest. I stick my earplugs in and tune out the rest of the world. Lost in my own head with my own thoughts listening to my own tunes. Just my aging body that fights me.

So, is it a rollercoaster? Flips, turns, ups, downs, overs, unders, fast with a bit of screaming along the way? Yes, certainly the path I've placed myself on. Or is it a bumper car ride? Most diffentately, strolling down the freeway of life and being slammed into every side by malicious do-gooders. Sometimes I feel it will be most welcomed to see everything come to an end. Less drama, less demand, less of me having to comply or make any more decisions. Is that so bad? 

From a confused and somewhat depressed individual. You got to know that diabetes in itself makes my emotions a rollercoaster. Up one day and down the next. Sorry about the rant my friends.

Eugene Thompson

ET This I Believe