So I have been told that I can never be happy. That I refuse to allow happiness to be part of my life. I will never be that way until I decide to make it so. Those words were pretty harsh. Cut to the bone. But are they true? Do I prevent myself from joy in my life?
I am told that nothing is ever good enough. That I am never satisfied. Never satisfied with my accomplishments, never satisfied with work, with those around me, with my spouse, with my kids, with my house, with my car etc. It seems from others perspective that the Giant: Discontent has me by the throat. Sure I am a perfectionist. Sure I look at each accomplishment as not an achievement but only step to "what is next". Does that make me discontent or unhappy? I didn't think so.
Is perfectionism a disease? Maybe so. I grew up setting my goals high. Not for the purpose of arbitrarily placing a benchmark and then forgetting about it. If a goal is set then my purpose is to achieve that goal. So maybe instead of pushing myself and sharing my goals with everyone, I need to set lower expectations. Lower ambitions. Lower benchmarks that everyone can see. Then when I easily reach those marks I can jump and down in false excitement so that at least others benefit in seeing success, even though it isn't real for me. Is that the definition of happiness? I grew up playing sports and only got a trophy if you won first place, maybe a second and third were given out occasionally. When my kids played sports, everyone got a trophy. Just for participating. Even if you didn't win a single game. Why? Did someone decide that we might hurt their feelings...if we told them that lost? A trophy for participation...just for showing up. Go figure?
So what is the definition of happiness? Actually I thought I was a pretty happy individual. I have never been a gleeful soul that just smiles constantly. Dang my face would hurt all the time if I had to smile. Yeah I have heard about the number of muscles in your face to make a frown vs a smile. Maybe that is why I scare small children. Lol. Not true. Love kids. Maybe that is why I scared my kids. Too demanding of a dad. Too high of expectations. Of course I want them to be successful. Again, you can ask the question, What is the definition of success? It is different for every person. It isn't what society places on us. Only if you subscribe to that.
Fact of the matter is I am very happy. I am happy with where I am in life. Do I want more, sure I do. More time to play, more money to spend, more places to go and see. But don't we all? I am good right now. I am proud of my kids. I am happy with my wife and all of her energy she shows and shares. I have a nice little business, and I enjoy the people that we work with. And I enjoy the projects that we do. Do I want more? Sure I do, bigger projects, more exciting projects, more adventurous projects, I want it all. Who doesn't?
There is nothing wrong with have ambition to be successful and do more, the problem is when those things become a priority and takes your focus from where it should be. It isn't money that is the evil.....it is the LOVE of money that is the root of ALL evil. So am I guilty of this......probably. I have often allowed the striving of SUCCESS become a heavy four in my life.....not intentionally but just happens. Doesn't it always?
I just watched a silly movie this weekend that was called "The Big Year". It was about three guys all from a different background that were set out to have what they referred to as a big year.....being seeking out and finding the most wild birds in North America. Owen Wilson had the record of seeing 732 birds and the record held for a long time. Apparently the addiction of the love of bird watching (and maintaining the record) took its causality on two previous marriages. It left no time for his wife or the possibility of them starting and having a family.
Steve Martin was a highly successful business man that had achieved just about everything he could imagine. His career had ran its course and his son was married and they were getting ready to have their first baby.....which meant his first grand baby. They had a new home built in Colorado with all the comfort needed however after all these years he hadn't been able to do one of the things that he enjoyed the most......go bird watching on a big year.
Then there was Jack Black playing the newbie that really enjoyed the whole bird watching thing but didn't have much money, didn't have a very successful job and didn't have a strong relationship with his parents...mostly his dad. His dad expected a high calling for his son and wanted to see a better EFFORT put forth by his son. He too probably lost his first marriage to birds but there was a lot more than that causing his relationship to suffer.
The story goes on about all three seeking to achieve the big year as you can expect. Focus and responsibilities are about each of their lives. Ambition is high for all. I won't ruin the story for you if you haven't seen it but just let me say that Steve takes care of his business responsibilities before me retires and he stops everything to go and see his new grandson named after him. Jack does everything he can to win but makes good life long friends with Steve and finds true love with another bird watcher met along the way. More importantly he bonded with his father during the chase of the record. His father went with him to see an owl and both finally connected. Yes, Owen didn't disappoint......or rather he did....gone every moment away from his wife and neglecting all for the record. Was it worth it?
So back to the beginning here....I have AMBITION. I am a PERFECTIONIST. And I am HAPPY! For all those that have to be around me on a daily basis, I will try and smile more often.....just not all the time.
Remember my friends.....Be Happy.....Don't Worry.
Eugene Thompson
Et this I believe
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